Approaching dirty talk can be nerve wracking for anyone. And for so many of us trans/non-binary/queer people, navigating dysphoria, our changing bodies, and with all the noise of queer/transphobia, dirty talk can be super hot and a great way to feel affirmed and to affirm someone.
✦ Ask & Listen ✦
Have a conversation beforehand. Never assume what someone would like to be called/what they want their bits to be called. Ask your partner what they want to hear. Ask clarifying questions if needed. And really listen! Things can always change. What might have been fine last week can be different today, depending on where someone’s dysphoria is at. So always check in!
✦ Tell & Encourage ✦
Not sure where to start? Complements can get the ball rolling. Tell them how handsome/beautiful/sexy you think they are. What is it about them that you specifically find attractive? If your partner is saying something you like, let them know! If it’s really doing it for you ask them to say it again.
✦ Explore ✦
If you struggle with being verbal during s~x but are curious, try to imagine/fantasize what your partner could say to you. Or, in the privacy of your own space, practice saying things out loud during a solo sesh. That way you can try a variety of things without the pressure of getting it right in the moment. Also remember, it’s ok to be shy. We encourage everyone to practice new s~xy stuff with compassion for themselves and each other.
Ultimately, dirty talk is a great way to build safety, emotional intimacy and trust between you and your partner.
Trans/non-binary/queer people aren’t the only ones who have preferences in how we would like our bodies described. Negotiation around dirty talk is useful for everyone, no matter your identity.